Bed-sharing #1: How our family bed came to be

Linus started sleeping in our bed basically since we brought him home from the hospital.  In the beginning, I was adamantly against having him sleep with us because of all of the accidental baby smotherings you hear about in the news.  We had our Baby Bjorn cradle,with the mesh sides so he couldn't smother himself accidentally, set up right next to our bed.  That's where he spent the majority of his nighttime sleep during his first 3.5 months of life.  But, around 5:00 a.m. or so, I'd pull him into bed to nurse him and we'd be there for the last few hours of our nighttime sleep.

Of course, I say "nighttime sleep" because he slept off-and-on around the clock for the first many weeks of his life.  But, I thought it was a good compromise, and, for the most part, Linus slept pretty well in his cradle, as long as we put him there after he had fallen soundly asleep.  

But, he quickly outgrew the cradle.  Turns out, he's a big kid!  Here's him at 3 months old in that same cradle:

When he was 3.5 months old, we went to visit our families in the Midwest.  When we came back, I figured we could move him to the Pack 'n' Play in our room.  He'd spent the previous couple of weeks sleeping in Pack 'n' Plays so it shouldn't be an issue, right?  Wrong.

I remember being patient about the transition and giving it a week. Sometimes we could get him to fall asleep soundly enough that if we transferred him to the Pack 'n' Play, he'd stay asleep.  Other times, he'd cry and cry and I'd follow the advice of others and just let him do that.... until, 3 hours later when he was crying even harder and I wanted to go to bed.

I remember the night that I gave up trying to get him to sleep on his own.  It was a Sunday night and I had to work the next day.  I'd gotten him to sleep in my arms and tried the transfer to the Pack'n'Play.  I'd done it about 5 times.  It was now 3 hours past when I had intended on going to sleep.  I was exhausted and I knew I had to get up early the next morning.  So I looked at him and said, "You win."  And after that, I never even bothered trying again.  From that night forward, he slept exclusively in our bed.  And, quite frankly, even though I think I wake up more frequently than (breastfeeding) moms whose babies are in cribs, I still think I sleep more and sleep better.

At times, I've regretted not sleep training him.  It's always on the days that follow the extremely difficult nights where he wakes up nearly every hour to nurse and I'm exhausted and living on coffee and green tea the following day.  But, those times are fleeting.   Once, I called my cousin's wife, nearly in tears, because I was hoping she had some magical solution or at least some ideas for what would help napping and sleeping.  It turns out that she didn't have any magical ideas, but she could relate completely to everything I was going through.

Truthfully, every day that we wake up together and get to play in bed in the morning sunlight, and every night when we fall asleep together as he nurses, and every time he shifts over in bed so he's snuggling next to my husband, or even the times when he's laying across us at weird positions, I'm ever-so-grateful to have kept our bedsharing arrangement.  I know that someday he'll have his big kid friends and go to sleepovers and not want much to do with his parents aside from a few dollars to see a movie, and I hope that when I'm feeling rejected on those days that I can remember all these wonderful moments we shared, snuggling close and keeping each other warm and comfortable.  As much as I want to say that I look forward to it, it's going to be hard when he decides he wants his own room and his own bed.  

Every child and their parents needs to make their own decision on what sleeping arrangement is best for their family.  For us, it's best to have Linus with us in our room and in our bed.  Everyone is most comfortable that way.  When Linus is fast asleep, he reaches for me and immediately settles once he finds me.  For me, I can touch his belly in the middle of the night or listen for his breath just to make sure all is still well.  And, for Jon, he's probably just happy because the rest of us are, but I also know he enjoys snuggling up to Linus at night and providing comfort to him or a helping hand to me when he can.